My first six months of 2013.

So I have been really down and out for the first half of this year. I had no energy whatsoever and I only managed to drag myself out of bed to do the most basic things; feed the kids, get Oli to and fro daycare and that was kind of it. I didn't realize how out of it I was because I blocked all kinds of feelings, but I knew that I "should" enjoy my kids more than I did and I "should" have energy to do something else than what I did. I don't know if it was the weather (the cold and the darkness can make anyone feel out of it) or the fact that I was home with two kids and on a strict daycare schedule that didn't allow for any extended daytime (or nighttime, but that was because of breastfeeding) excursions. I probably could have utilized the four hours I had to "myself" (with Gusti) every day, but I didn't and that left me feeling trapped in the situation. In addition, Erik got to manage a project at work that he had been wanting to do for over two years so that made him also quite absent at home. Then the sun and the summer came and thankfully, after six weeks of holiday with my family, I am starting to feel like myself again. Now I am a human being that feels her feelings and is able to think (more) rationally about things and noticing things. My energy levels are higher but still not quite there yet. I think that most of my lack of energy for the moment can be accredited to the lack of sleep I am experiencing. Gusti, who started out as a sound sleeper, has been waking me up everything in between two to six times a night and it is wearing me down. But I have a plan. In a weeks time I will start the same regimen that Oli went on, that is food and sleep the same hour every day, according to what Anna Wahlgren suggests in her book "Sova hela natten" (www.annawahlgren.com). It worked wonders with Oli and I expect it to do the same with Gusti. Then I can get my sleep back and my energy. That is a two week project and after that I am planning on getting myself in shape again. I hope I feel up for it, for everyone who has been out of shape and got back into it knows how strenuous that can be. Therefore I hope, with all of my heart, that I have the energy to want to do it and then to follow through. I need my body to be strong again. All this carrying is taking its toll on me (Oli is 17kg and Gusti well over 9kg).

Many of you have wondered why I haven't been blogging as I usually do, and all of the above is the (very long) explanation. But I'm back now, and that is all that matters!

(I will be posting everything from last time until now, so please bear with me.)